http://db.ibenson.com/api.php?action=feedcontributions&feedformat=atom&user=Abby 2026-04-25T19:25:48Z User contributions MediaWiki 1.38.6 http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=930 2011-02-27T22:15:46Z

<p>Abby: /* The Bottom line */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? You're lucky, you're strong, you're unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play God. What will be will be. Ever see Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind.<br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, consider others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number one on the list. Setting aside a job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions for me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about dad works, has passion. Mom raises the kids, has passion. Mom and dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to go to work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk ass kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day, but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does his thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, women and men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and soul is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or God forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same thing happens. Evolution. You run off to Walgreens or CVS, get meds to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not prevent you from getting that very same bug again (oh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amazing fact so you buy more meds? holy fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chapstick, apply, and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me off to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombie society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission.<br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If you're lucky enough to avoid the category listed above, then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and creativity. Sounds good, eh? Raising your kids is about educating them to be amazing and to teach them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas, but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because you're a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are your kid, if you're smart, they should be too. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions.<br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are too structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If you're meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you're body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypercritical, as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=929 2011-02-27T22:15:03Z

<p>Abby: /* Inspire creativity */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? You're lucky, you're strong, you're unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play God. What will be will be. Ever see Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind.<br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, consider others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number one on the list. Setting aside a job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions for me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about dad works, has passion. Mom raises the kids, has passion. Mom and dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to go to work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk ass kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day, but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does his thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, women and men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and soul is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or God forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same thing happens. Evolution. You run off to Walgreens or CVS, get meds to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not prevent you from getting that very same bug again (oh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amazing fact so you buy more meds? holy fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chapstick, apply, and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me off to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombie society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission.<br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If you're lucky enough to avoid the category listed above, then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and creativity. Sounds good, eh? Raising your kids is about educating them to be amazing and to teach them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas, but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because you're a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are your kid, if you're smart, they should be too. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions.<br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=928 2011-02-27T22:13:26Z

<p>Abby: /* Overprotection is a very very bad thing */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? You're lucky, you're strong, you're unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play God. What will be will be. Ever see Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind.<br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, consider others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number one on the list. Setting aside a job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions for me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about dad works, has passion. Mom raises the kids, has passion. Mom and dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to go to work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk ass kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day, but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does his thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, women and men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and soul is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or God forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same thing happens. Evolution. You run off to Walgreens or CVS, get meds to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not prevent you from getting that very same bug again (oh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amazing fact so you buy more meds? holy fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chapstick, apply, and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me off to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombie society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission.<br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=927 2011-02-27T22:11:59Z

<p>Abby: /* Risks */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? You're lucky, you're strong, you're unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play God. What will be will be. Ever see Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind.<br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, consider others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number one on the list. Setting aside a job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions for me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about dad works, has passion. Mom raises the kids, has passion. Mom and dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to go to work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk ass kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day, but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does his thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, women and men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and soul is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=926 2011-02-27T22:09:23Z

<p>Abby: /* The Perfect Little Family */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? You're lucky, you're strong, you're unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play God. What will be will be. Ever see Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind.<br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=925 2011-02-27T22:08:57Z

<p>Abby: /* The Relationshipped couple */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge, and consider your partners' abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=924 2011-02-27T22:08:33Z

<p>Abby: /* The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. You're lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=923 2011-02-27T22:08:00Z

<p>Abby: /* Pushing the big red button */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life? Are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do? Do they value it the way I do? Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about abortion, adoption or committing to be a parent, but I will say this, many have come to me in confidence when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science, and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un-fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become too valued a possession. 100 years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till you're in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well-provided-for child. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, abort! abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgeable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and you're better off to have the talk, otherwise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but you'er better left listening to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an open mind. As you will read later in this there are amazing pros and cons to being a parent.<br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. Your lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=922 2011-02-27T22:05:02Z

<p>Abby: /* Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies, you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play God. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be, and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it.<br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life, are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do. Do they value it the way I do. Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about Abortion, Adoption or committing to be a parent but I will say this, Many have come to me in confidentially when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when Abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become to valued a possession. 100 Years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till your in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well provided for child Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, Abort! Abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and your better off to have the talk, other wise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but your better left listing to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an openmind. As you will read later in this there are amazing Pro's and Con's to being a parent. <br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. Your lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=921 2011-02-27T22:04:17Z

<p>Abby: /* Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when you're choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If you're lucky, you will get 10 toes and 10 fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. You're not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again, what won't? Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play god. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it. <br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life, are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do. Do they value it the way I do. Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about Abortion, Adoption or committing to be a parent but I will say this, Many have come to me in confidentially when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when Abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become to valued a possession. 100 Years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till your in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well provided for child Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, Abort! Abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and your better off to have the talk, other wise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but your better left listing to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an openmind. As you will read later in this there are amazing Pro's and Con's to being a parent. <br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. Your lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=920 2011-02-27T22:03:37Z

<p>Abby: /* Preface */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never did anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad, which is very different from the lives of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when you're young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. You're also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go-getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am grateful to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone else's.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when your choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If your lucky, you will get 10 toes and ten fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. Your not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again what won't. Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play god. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it. <br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life, are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do. Do they value it the way I do. Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about Abortion, Adoption or committing to be a parent but I will say this, Many have come to me in confidentially when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when Abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become to valued a possession. 100 Years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till your in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well provided for child Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, Abort! Abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and your better off to have the talk, other wise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but your better left listing to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an openmind. As you will read later in this there are amazing Pro's and Con's to being a parent. <br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. Your lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Kiddos&diff=919 2011-02-27T22:02:11Z

<p>Abby: /* Disclaimer */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==Disclaimer==<br /> This is a strange one for me. Let me start by saying that at the time of writing this I have no children (I think). Most of my friends do, I have two nieces and two nephews that might as well be my kids but are not. With this disclaimer, I want to make clear that I have a lot of experience with friends that have kids. I have helped them through hardships having to do with becoming parents. I am no expert but I have learned a lot, maybe you will too from the following.<br /> <br /> ==Preface==<br /> :When we are young, we are basically told that having kids is a bad thing. Or shall I say that it is frowned upon. Never id anyone tell me when I was growing up that having kids was OK after a certain age. With that I basically grew up in fear of being a dad which is very different from the was of our parents or grandparents. <br /> <br /> :Now that I am old, I have realized a bunch of shit about becoming a parent. First of all, when your young, your kids are more likely to be healthy. Your also more able to have kids (women) and it is safer for you. As you get older, it gets harder and less and likely to happen. When I was young, I was never exposed to all that can go wrong with having kiddos. <br /> <br /> :Additionally, I stem from a couple that were told they were never going to have kids. These two go getters went out and adopted two kids in two years when they were only weeks old. For this I am greatfull to have my brother and sister in my life and could never envision my life as it stands without them. A few years later, by complete shock and surprise my mom was prego with my sister and finally, thanks to a faulty diaphragm, I was able to be conceived. Please consider these factors when you read the following and get angry with my point of view. My parents tell people they have four mistakes, two are theirs and two are someone elses.<br /> <br /> ==Illness/Disformation/Birth related factors==<br /> Genetics are a bitch. You have no control or access to a clue of what your about to get. Think about this when your choosing your partner (I know I am sick). If your lucky, you will get 10 toes and ten fingers and modern medicine is amazing but it is always better to be informed then to be blindsided. Your not promised anything and you better know this. These factors can stress a person to their core and in some cases tear a perfect relationship apart (but then again what won't. Don't jump, can't fall right?).<br /> <br /> ==Reproducing is a gift not a fucking right==<br /> You see it in the movies you read it in the magazines: Modern medicine can help, if not ensure you can have kids. Just because it can does not mean that it should. Consider this when you are having a hard time making it happen. Don't play god. Don't make a decision that is not yours to make. Take a step back and look at all the reasons why maybe you should not reproduce. Even if you can come up with a few, there are thousands that you will never even imagine. Know that if it is meant to be that it will be and that if it is not happening now that maybe it will happen later.<br /> <br /> You might disagree with me on this and that is fine. I only hope that you read this and consider it. <br /> <br /> ==Pushing the big red button==<br /> If you are lucky enough to get preggers then there are a few things you should think about. One: Is this timing right? Is my life at the point where I can support an additional mouth to feed? Is my partner able to support an additional mouth to feed as well as potentially my own? Do I know the other player in this little ones life, are they a capable person that I trust with part of me? Do they respect life the way I do. Do they value it the way I do. Do I value them? Do they value me? <br /> <br /> Lets put a few things out there. First, I am not a women and because of this I am at an immediate disadvantage to even talk about Abortion, Adoption or committing to be a parent but I will say this, Many have come to me in confidentially when they need clear minded input, unbiased input. I am honored for this and I do not intend to even hint at an opinion on this topic. Rather I am making an attempt to help guide or educate you when and if these decisions land in your lap. I am not religious, I believe in science and do not mess with karma.<br /> <br /> I read that when Abortion was legalized, 15 years later the crime rate dropped by 70%. That is un fucking real. Never before had I considered the social impact abortion has. With the good comes the bad, and out society is in a steady decline as we are not reproducing as much as we need to sustain (a conversation for a different day). Then there is the killing of a life aspect of it so on and so forth. With this I would like to dive in a bit: Life has become to valued a possession. 100 Years ago, kids died so often it was fucking shocking. Old people were 65 and lucky to live so long. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED! We're born, we live, we die. Let us not judge life on numbers but rather what those lives do. If someone decides it is not the right time for them to have a child and decide to end it, let them. Do not judge them. They got themselves there, not you. They know the risks, they know that it hurts their chances of having kids in the future. Who said you have a fucking say? Sit the fuck down and shut up. Wait till your in those shoes. <br /> <br /> Stand by your partner or one night stander. Be a conscious fucking human. Consider the options, look at the timing, consider your ability to raise a good, well provided for child Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Don't be a guy who says, fuck that, Abort! Abort! Don't be the girl that says, I am keeping it and there is nothing you can say or do. Talk it out. You will come to a decision that you are both knowledgable about. It is no one else's matter but yours and your better off to have the talk, other wise you will be dealing with anger and hate for the rest of your life. You might not come to an agreement and that is a fact of life but your better left listing to one another, you will remember the talk for the rest of your life. <br /> <br /> Anyone who finds themselves in this position is an uneducated asshole if they don't approach a solution to this pickle with an openmind. As you will read later in this there are amazing Pro's and Con's to being a parent. <br /> <br /> ==The Unmarried, unrelationshipped couple==<br /> Got yourself into something with a friend you know well but have never really had a relationship with? Well, I would think that luck and karma have played a part here and that you should consider it. Maybe you can have a good relationship, maybe you can't. Maybe you can have a strong team raise one hell of a human. These are all possible and should be considered. Your lucky.<br /> <br /> == The Relationshipped couple==<br /> You have been together for a long enough time for you to know if it will work or not. I would hope that you read my relationships page. It will tell you oat about people and their traits. You make the call, be a good judge and consider your partners abilities as relationships are a fucking walk in the park compared to having kids rely on you.<br /> <br /> ==The Perfect Little Family==<br /> Married to the one of your dream? Married to the right person for you? Your lucky, your strong, your unselfish. There are ups and downs of it all. Give it a shot and don't play god. What will be will be. Ever send Juno? That couple was a prime example of what not to be in my mind. <br /> <br /> ==Risks==<br /> Kids put a huge burden on a relationship. Sometimes they get stronger. Sometimes they are weakened. To be a parent you have to put others in front of yourself, considers others without even thinking of yourself. Are you ready? I'm have yet to be. <br /> <br /> Families are constantly falling apart because of one the spouses decides to make the kids number on the list. Setting aside a Job, a partner, projects, personal drive. Personally I am so attracted to someone's drive to accomplish that I can't even consider a relationship with kids working if they intend to put the kids before their passions or me for that matter. Kids are kids, yes they are important but they are flexible and need to see passion and drive, not complacency. Dad works, Mom raises the kids? Yes but no. How about Dad works, has passion. Mom Raises the kids, has passion. Mom and Dad work to allow one another to pursue their passions while also raising kids? Is this so hard a fucking concept to fathom? Think outside of the box. Yes, it is fucking hard to goto work and support a home and a family. Yes it is fucking hard to stay at home with punk as kids driving you fucking crazy, never giving you a break. Yes it is hard to not have animosity with you and you spouse at the end of the day but try to team up. Make a plan. Dad does is thing these nights, mom has her nights. I am not talking about the out drinking with the buddies thing or the out shopping with the girls thing. I am talking about doing something for your soul. Craft? Business? Job? Whatever? In this day and age, Women and Men are equal and I love it. Do something with it people. Kids will grow up either way. Make sure they are loved whenever able. Show them that doing something that is driven by your heart and sole is more valuable then just being there everyday. This I promise.<br /> <br /> ==Overprotection is a very very bad thing==<br /> Today, parents would rather a kid stay home and play video games then go out and play with friends. What the fuck is that all about? Trying to protect them from the world and its bad elements? So tell me then, when you get hit by a bus, have a car accident or god forbid die of old age, what then for these kids? They will have grown up thinking you will always be there to protect them, to care for them, to do all that they need. And this is a good thing? Man I must be missing something. <br /> <br /> It is directly comparable to the immune system or chapped lips for that matter: You get sick, your immune system fights the sickness, LEARNS what was the problem and does not let it happen again. Get sick again, same hinge happens. Evolution. You run off to Wallgreens or CVS, get mess to fight it for you, guess what, your immune system just learned to be lazy and will not proven you from getting that very same bug again (ohh, and did I mention that the pharm companies are trying to subdue this amaing fact so you buy more meeds? holey fucked!). Your lips are chapped, you let them be. They get better, over time. You run out and get chappedstick, apply and feel better in about a minute. Guess what buddy, your lips are still chapped under that shit. <br /> <br /> Let these kids see the world. They might get hurt, they might die even but look at what it took to get here in the first place, it was lucky they made it and it will be lucky if they live to die old but I an assure you, they will have a big empty spot in their soul if they were prevented from living, protected from the world, raise in a fucking box. Man this shit pisses me of to my core. Makes me mad to even think about. Next thing we will have a zombi society on our hands, unable to think or breath without input or permission. <br /> <br /> ==Inspire creativity==<br /> If your lucky enough to avoid the category listed above then you have the chance to create something truly amazing. Free will and Creativity. Sounds good A? Raising your kids was about educating them to be amazing and to tech them what you think they should avoid. Today people just want them to avoid everything, don't look ever there! <br /> <br /> Educating a kid can do things that even you could never imagine. Putting them in a box will kill the very core of being a human. Support them in anything they have interest (to a certain extent). Guide them with thoughts or ideas but not opinions. Who are you to tell them at an early age the way you see things, keep that shit out of it. Let them think for themselves. I think a good parent is one that has opinions and states them as such to their kids and clearly defines the difference between an opinion and a fact. Just because your a parent that does not give you the right to fill your kids head with your ideas. They are you kid, if your smart, so should they be. If you figured a bunch of interesting things out, teach them as fact, fiction of otherwise. Let them draw their own conclusions. <br /> <br /> ==The Bottom line==<br /> The Bottom line is that everything is chance and in my mind, fate is chance. Planned events are dangerous. They are to structured and manicured. Live a little. If you are meant to be married you will be. If your meant to have kids, you will. Timing is everything and you'r body knows this even when your mind does not. Loosen up. Let the control slide a bit. (This is me being hypocritical as I have never been able to do this but I have suggested it and seen it work).<br /> <br /> Ohh, and don't be a dick, they will remember it and be one too.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Jumping_Ship&diff=918 2011-02-27T22:00:45Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg]]<br /> <br /> '''Growing apart over time:'''<br /> <br /> <br /> Something changed in recent time that is causing people to split after years of commitment. It is very strange. <br /> <br /> <br /> You see it everyday: perfect couple, kids, house so on. Kids start to grow up, parents realize that they want something different. Usually one of the parents decides the life they live is not the life they want (now, though it once was). Usually in this case, the troubled person in the relationship will communicate this to his or her partner and usually the partner refuses to listen, understand, or accept any aspect of what they are hearing. <br /> <br /> <br /> When I have seen this it is usually one of two things:<br /> <br /> *A father that wants more then just raising kids, wants to have the kids be important but not the only thing between him and his wife. <br /> <br /> * A wife that has sacrificed all that could have been to raise kids who now does not need to be at home all the time. Usually she will go out and get a high power job and decide the home life that once was optimal no longer does the trick.<br /> <br /> * The mid-to-late life husband that has been successful (money) and has been venturing out more then he should. Met some young thing and decides to take the jump.<br /> <br /> <br /> While there are a ton of situations that can get you to the breaking point in your relationship, I just wanted to make a few comments.<br /> <br /> <br /> First, it is like the wild west out there these days. Everything costs a ton of cash as compared to the life you are about to leave, in which you save a ton of cash staying home, cooking, drinking so on. Second, it is lonely and cold out there. People are very fake these days and you will find that whatever boy/girl toy you're chasing/dreaming about probably has half the moral and ethical fiber of your current spouse. While the change sounds fun (and it can be, don't get me wrong), know that it will be short lived. It is rare these dream guy/girl relationships last. <br /> <br /> <br /> Additionally be aware of a few pitfalls:<br /> <br /> *Usually what you're jumping ship for is the polar opposite of the one you're jumping ship from. This can be dangerous as you have melded over time with the one you're leaving and that change takes time, getting up to speed and out of your old ways is not going to be easy. <br /> <br /> *You have not played the game in a long time. It is not the same as it was with you were 16. Don't be an idiot and think all is the same out there. It is not. <br /> <br /> If you find yourself in this place, think it all out as much as you can. Don't be blind to what you have, take a step back and think it out, look at the good and bad, justify it. '''Luck favors the prepared.''' Be prepared. <br /> <br /> <br /> Whatever you decide to do, do it and don't fuck with those you have hurt. Make the change, stand by your decisions. Don't second guess them. And for the love of God, don't keep sleeping with your ex. All you're doing is stopping them from moving on which is totally selfish.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=917 2011-02-27T21:57:19Z

<p>Abby: /* Reminders */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opportunity fucking. Anyone who drinks needs to admit something: We drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. That being said, there are a few dangers: STDs, kids, divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that you're happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work, then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will either never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on, then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if you're cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a doozy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If you're the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here, but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To start, you only remember the good things about the original relationship. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the cigaretts, the drinking, and so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To start, you should be prepared to have no personal time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your life that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because you're lacking your personal space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life.<br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. They did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attraction and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working too hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am sure you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If you're dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, doesn't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly, then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them you're going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have ever been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know you're making the right decision. This is a win-win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only proof of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumb luck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe you're seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when you're told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed, but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's ex is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time; females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lily pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. You're a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what you're in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary, but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=916 2011-02-27T21:56:47Z

<p>Abby: /* My Recap */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opportunity fucking. Anyone who drinks needs to admit something: We drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. That being said, there are a few dangers: STDs, kids, divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that you're happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work, then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will either never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on, then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if you're cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a doozy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If you're the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here, but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To start, you only remember the good things about the original relationship. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the cigaretts, the drinking, and so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To start, you should be prepared to have no personal time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your life that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because you're lacking your personal space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life.<br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. They did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attraction and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working too hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am sure you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If you're dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, doesn't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly, then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them you're going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have ever been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know you're making the right decision. This is a win-win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only proof of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumb luck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe you're seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when you're told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed, but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's ex is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time; females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lily pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. You're a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=915 2011-02-27T21:53:57Z

<p>Abby: /* Importing new blood */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opportunity fucking. Anyone who drinks needs to admit something: We drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. That being said, there are a few dangers: STDs, kids, divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that you're happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work, then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will either never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on, then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if you're cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a doozy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If you're the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here, but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To start, you only remember the good things about the original relationship. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the cigaretts, the drinking, and so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To start, you should be prepared to have no personal time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your life that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because you're lacking your personal space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life.<br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=914 2011-02-27T21:52:53Z

<p>Abby: /* Rekindling an old fuck */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opportunity fucking. Anyone who drinks needs to admit something: We drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. That being said, there are a few dangers: STDs, kids, divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that you're happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work, then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will either never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on, then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if you're cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a doozy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If you're the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here, but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To start, you only remember the good things about the original relationship. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the cigaretts, the drinking, and so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=913 2011-02-27T21:51:56Z

<p>Abby: /* Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opportunity fucking. Anyone who drinks needs to admit something: We drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. That being said, there are a few dangers: STDs, kids, divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that you're happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work, then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will either never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on, then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if you're cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=912 2011-02-27T21:50:11Z

<p>Abby: /* Physical attraction is for the weak */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that you're weak with those you're attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? If this is you, then you're walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long-term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further with them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If you're not that bright (not being mean here), then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=911 2011-02-27T21:49:21Z

<p>Abby: /* Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open mind.<br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=910 2011-02-27T21:48:58Z

<p>Abby: /* Long Distance Jokes */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> <br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast-paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your life, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun in but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuck it. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of you started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=909 2011-02-27T21:47:51Z

<p>Abby: /* Shit or get off the pot */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of, but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of people confiding in me about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that you're a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=908 2011-02-27T21:47:01Z

<p>Abby: /* Don&#039;t bullshit people if your not ready for it */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=907 2011-02-27T21:45:26Z

<p>Abby: /* Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.<br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=906 2011-02-27T21:45:00Z

<p>Abby: /* Cheating on the good */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have to much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do. <br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=905 2011-02-27T21:44:27Z

<p>Abby: /* Cheating with the Cheater */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the &quot;one that got away&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all to often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what your doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person your cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have to much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do. <br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=904 2011-02-27T21:43:12Z

<p>Abby: /* The selfish lack of consideration */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the &quot;so much time invested&quot; clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a free things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what your doing is considered morally wrong. The Sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the downlow, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to highschool, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing he cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, Go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, Trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and your left with the, &quot;One that got away,&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all to often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what your doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person your cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have to much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do. <br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=903 2011-02-27T21:41:27Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).<br /> *Have some Kids (if you're lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If your not ready in your own mind. To many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the. &quot;so much time invested.&quot; clause. In other cases this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are to afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it but are to sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that will not end well. If your the selfish prick drawing out this thing because your scared then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which if you lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how your treated. Don't stand for this shit if your getting it and if you giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a free things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what your doing is considered morally wrong. The Sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the downlow, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to highschool, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing he cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, Go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, Trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and your left with the, &quot;One that got away,&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all to often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what your doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person your cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have to much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do. <br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=ClosedUp&diff=902 2011-02-27T21:34:04Z

<p>Abby: /* Relationships */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> '''Well'''<br /> <br /> If you are here, then you're looking for something else on this site and/or something more in regards to what goes on in my detrimentally twisted mind. <br /> <br /> <br /> What you see here are things in my mind. They are not fact and they may be fiction. Regardless, I have not pressed them upon you and I do not expect to talk about them or why I feel these ways. Read what you will, but do not press upon me any opinions you may have, as you are the one that got you here, not me. <br /> <br /> This is an area of random rants, thoughts, ideas. This is in no way organized to be written or read well. I am working on this. <br /> <br /> <br /> I update this crap every other day. Click [http://www.ibenson.com/index.php?title=ClosedUp&amp;action=feed&amp;feed=rss here] to follow my madness if you have an RSS client and are insane enough to want to hear more.<br /> &lt;startFeed /&gt;<br /> <br /> == [[Life]] ==<br /> [[Life]] is a bitch and I think about it a lot. 01/25/2011<br /> <br /> == [[Death]] ==<br /> <br /> When did life get so serios that people started fearing [[Death]]? 01/27/2011<br /> <br /> == [[Friendships]]==<br /> <br /> [[Friendships]] can be a wild ride. 01/26/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Relationships]]==<br /> <br /> Some people can handle them and some people can't. [[Relationships]] can be the best and the worst but no matter what you're bound to learn something you didn't already know with every new trip. 01/26/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Jumping Ship]]==<br /> <br /> [[Jumping Ship]] is one of the scariest things in the world. Be prepared for all of it. 02/14/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Kiddos]]==<br /> <br /> [[Kiddos]] are a lot of work but I am told they are the best ride one can take. Today things are different and I don't really like they way people disrespect our canceristic approach breading.<br /> <br /> ==[[Work]]==<br /> <br /> All [[Work]] and no play has Danny boy wondering what the hell it is all for. 1/15/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Money]]==<br /> <br /> Ever wonder what it was like to have to hunt for dinner? No need for [[Money]] then. I can't wait for that day to re-arrive. 01/27/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Physical possessions]]==<br /> <br /> Am I me, or are all my [[Physical possessions]] me. If you have never asked this question then your in for a surprise. 1/28/2011<br /> <br /> ==[[Why]]==<br /> <br /> I don't know [[Why]]. If I did I would not be doing this brain dump on a regular basis. Not done yet.<br /> &lt;endFeed /&gt;</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Relationships&diff=735 2011-02-22T00:14:20Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> 01/14/2011<br /> <br /> I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is. <br /> <br /> == My Two Cents ==<br /> <br /> Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple. <br /> <br /> *Get a Job.<br /> *Get a girl.<br /> *Get a house.<br /> *Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man.<br /> *Have some Kids (if you lucky).<br /> *Grow old. <br /> *Die happy people. <br /> <br /> Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen, with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it even was part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day but man is it outdated.<br /> <br /> == Starting to get into it ==<br /> <br /> First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems to wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue hang to do with Life(link). In the past, I think Men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (Monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has. <br /> <br /> == The Major Change ==<br /> <br /> Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, Own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming high sought for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female but I do not think this was the case. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same. <br /> <br /> Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover these more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb. <br /> <br /> == Elvis has now left the building ==<br /> <br /> The man of the past, Strong, powerful, driven, greedy and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. THe only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gather root at which point, we will return to the Big strong dude, protection the little, lovely perfect woman. This has it advantages but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.<br /> <br /> There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The Grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, unrelentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This was of life is fast moving and never predictable but it has a flaw. When you do it to long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.<br /> <br /> == It is not about looks and not random ==<br /> <br /> People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy. <br /> <br /> == Sport Fucking ==<br /> <br /> Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. THere are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. YOu got a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If your the one doing the stalking then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless your cheating on someone with the guy or girl your fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, ohh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.<br /> <br /> == The selfish lack of consideration ==<br /> <br /> Don't drag someone around behind you. If your not ready in your own mind. To many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the. &quot;so much time invested.&quot; clause. In other cases this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are to afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it but are to sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that will not end well. If your the selfish prick drawing out this thing because your scared then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which if you lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how your treated. Don't stand for this shit if your getting it and if you giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.<br /> <br /> == Cheating with the Cheater ==<br /> <br /> Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a free things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what your doing is considered morally wrong. The Sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the downlow, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to highschool, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart. <br /> <br /> Maybe you get caught, the person doing he cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, Go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, Trust that you will be there. But will you really? <br /> <br /> Or you stop the whole thing and your left with the, &quot;One that got away,&quot; syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.<br /> <br /> <br /> == Cheating on the good == <br /> <br /> It is all to often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what your doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person your cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.<br /> <br /> == Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going ==<br /> <br /> How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have to much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do. <br /> <br /> == Don't bullshit people if your not ready for it ==<br /> <br /> Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If your to busy with work, to busy partying, to busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't wan to be lonely and want to gat laid. <br /> <br /> What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person invalid is probe not in the same zone as you are. All your doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all your doing is fucking with their head. YOur not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.<br /> <br /> == Shit or get off the pot ==<br /> <br /> Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple: <br /> <br /> Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not? <br /> <br /> If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.<br /> <br /> == Long Distance Jokes ==<br /> Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways. <br /> <br /> *You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.<br /> *One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again. <br /> *One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.<br /> *One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.<br /> <br /> == Had the right one but lost them (or let them go) ==<br /> <br /> Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.<br /> <br /> Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end. <br /> <br /> == Physical attraction is for the weak ==<br /> <br /> Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.<br /> <br /> == Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did ==<br /> <br /> Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.<br /> <br /> When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, &quot;Well, that was a surprise!&quot; The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.<br /> <br /> Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, &quot;I would have never thought.&quot; then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well. <br /> <br /> And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.<br /> <br /> == Rekindling an old fuck ==<br /> This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie. <br /> <br /> I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.<br /> <br /> == Importing new blood==<br /> I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space. <br /> <br /> Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life. <br /> <br /> == My Recap ==<br /> <br /> *Modern thoughts.<br /> ::I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, &quot;I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen.&quot; In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.<br /> <br /> * People don't change because you try and make them.<br /> ::At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON&quot;T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.<br /> <br /> *People meet by association.<br /> ::Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.<br /> <br /> == Reminders==<br /> <br /> *It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.<br /> *You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.<br /> *Change is scary but good.<br /> *When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.<br /> *If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Friendships&diff=734 2011-02-22T00:11:25Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> 01/16/211<br /> <br /> (Mostly ramblings, not much structure in this page, need to work on this)<br /> <br /> == Youth and the origins of friendships ==<br /> <br /> <br /> Man, this is one that will throw you for a loop. Let me preface this quickly. In the last two years I have lost about three of my closest friends, one of which was my very best friend. Until this occurred, I put friends before anything or anyone else. After this everything changed. I will try not to be biased in my thoughts on this matter. <br /> <br /> <br /> Growing up friends were all I had. My brothers and sisters were all out doing other things (I am the youngest) so at an early age I realized that friends were where I was going to focus on moving forward. I could not get enough of them. There were things to do with every one of them, some in groups, some one on one. '''When you're young, friends are the best'''. <br /> <br /> <br /> As you get older things start to change. Friendships are easy until about 5th grade when popularity starts to rear its ugly head. Kids start to make decisions based not on the initial friendships but based on other factors like who hangs with who, who is good at what, who has rich families, so on. '''Then girls or boys get involved''' and this can play a serious role in the hard fact that humans are unreliable and unpredictable. For me, this was the first time I learned that friends can change.<br /> <br /> == How it all starts to fall apart ==<br /> <br /> Money, the public eye and relationships shed amazing light on the underlying person that a friend might be. There are many other telltale signs, but these few have been the biggies in my experience. Do you know someone who is amazing as a friend behind closed doors but the opposite in public? Have a friend that has made or come into a large about of money or something of worth? Have you ever had a friend change everything to their core after getting into a relationship? If so, then you are seeing clear indicators about what these people are and how they will be for the rest of their lives. '''People don't change.''' They are born a certain way and in their youth they are able to mask their underlying core values and beliefs but as they grow old, so does their ability to be hide these thought and feelings.<br /> <br /> == Patterns ==<br /> <br /> They say that people don't change, they just become the person they have always been. I think this is such a true point it is shocking. So shocking that I wish I had known it all my life. People don't change, we get older and start thinking about ourselves and all our previous openness and flexibility goes right out the third floor fucking window. <br /> <br /> <br /> When you're young you have a gang of friends. As you get older that gang get to be a small crowd and are usually in cliques of people that are alike in some way. Gay, single, married, married with kids. These cliques have walls that cannot be jumped. Old friendships are foregone and new friendships are made on lesser core values than your older ones. We decide this is what we want and fuck everyone else. This is so different. <br /> <br /> <br /> I have tried all my life to be a part of my friends lives that are in any of these groups, but it becomes almost impossible. If you're lucky, you will be in a relationship with your best friend and invite others to be a part of it. If you're unlucky, you will be in a relationship with someone so selfish that they control you and who you're friends with. I have found that people who end up in the latter put themselves there by choice so don't feel bad for them, tell them that they have made a decision that you cannot support and that they are selfish. Walk away and don't look back. You will not change them. The only thing that can happen here to get your friendship back is to wait and watch it all explode from a safe distance, because it will. <br /> <br /> == Simple Classifications of types of Friends ==<br /> There are a few things to know about classifications of friends: A friend will almost always be one way with you and be totally opposite with others. This is all about your one-off relationship, people can be any of these classifications to you but different to others. One exception is that a user is almost always a user to everyone. Keep this in mind. <br /> <br /> *'''No Gain, No Needs:''' These are the friends you had when you were or are a preteen. These are true friends that you do things with on both peoples' accounts. There is no drama about doing this for that or mine for yours. This is the, &quot;lets go to a movie&quot; type of friend. This is the &quot;Let me help out when you need it and you can help me when you need it.&quot; I believe that these types of friendships basically disappear between the ages of 24 and 55 and are temporarily replaced with a spousal relationship of some kind. If you're able to keep these all your life then you have done a very good job at it AND have been very lucky. <br /> <br /> *'''Users:''' We all have them and if your are one, you need to know it. These have close ties to fair weather friends but they stand apart in a lot of ways. These are the friends that need things from you. Whether it is fixing something for them, giving them a ride, buying them drinks, loaning them money, so on. It is always something other then, &quot;Hello, how are you?&quot; <br /> <br /> :The bottom line is that these people are crap and live in a way that is unacceptable to you. If you find that your friends only call you when they need something then something wrong has happened. Usually it is because you are a giver. All you know how to do is give. This is OK if you have a taker friend but if a friend is a user to you and everyone else then you have a case of '&quot;Crap ass friend syndrome'''. You can do what you want but I would suggest not answering the phone and avoiding these people at all costs. You're not helping them by enabling them, you're hurting them. Let them fall to the bottom and pick themselves up. That is the only way a user will ever change. Goldiggers, drug addicts and emotionally handicapped people are typical types of users. Users only have one good trait: they will always tell you what they want from you. <br /> <br /> :If you're one, get your fucking head out of your ass. '''If you know a few, tell them to beat feet'''.<br /> <br /> *'''Givers:''' Let me begin by admitting that I am a giver, to a flaw. Givers sound like good people and they usually are, but they have their flaws just like anyone else. To start, it is never an equal friendship. Givers will never let you do anything for them. Givers will never ask you for your help. To be a friend with a giver you basically have to do what you want for the person without permission. They will hate you for it but deep down love you for it. The hard part of a giver is that you basically need to have the intuition to know how you can help because they will never tell you what they need or want. Givers can be fucking annoying. If all they want to do is take care of you then they get on your nerves. If there is never anything you can do for them, then you get pissed. When you don't do shit for them because you think they don't want anything, they get pissed. '''How complicated.'''<br /> <br /> :My suggestion with these types is to '''pay attention'''. Recognize this personality and be smart about it. If someone is a giver in your life, then do things for them without their permission or input. Clearly they are giving to you so give back, don't wait to be asked for something. If you never do this then there is a good chance you're a user or a taker. Givers commonly get taken advantage of and it is their fault. Keep this in mind, you might want to police what you ask of them.<br /> <br /> *'''Takers:''' Takers are the types of people that will not ask for your help but will always take it when offered and usually with little to no return. Takers think everyone else is an idiot because they are too nice and give too much to others. Takers are people that will never get jobs, never pay their own bills, never even try. They find it easier to just skate by having everyone else do the dirty work when they offer it. <br /> <br /> :I have seen this a lot with attractive men and women. They put themselves out there until they get what they want and then you don't hear from them until the next time they need something. If you find this is happening with you and someone, then you're being played. ''' Wake up'''. Take a step back and realize you're being taken advantage of. <br /> <br /> *'''Socially motivated:''' These are some of the worst people in the world. These types are almost always followers, never leaders, and are only interested in the clique or group you allow them to be a part of. Maybe you have a cool car, nice house, pool, TV, whatever. These types want to been seen or perceived in a certain way, and knowing you might lend itself to making this crazy requirement a reality. These people are users in their own right. <br /> <br /> :If you find you have a friendship of this type, then you're as much a dick as the person using you for your shit. Don't let this happen with anyone and '''don't be the cool guy''' with all the toys. All you'll do is attract these types of people and it will be your own fault. <br /> <br /> *'''Fair Weather:''' These people are users and socially motivated. These are the ones who are friends with you when you're cool or popular but drop you when you're not. These are the people that might have lived a certain lifestyle and want to live in your spotlight while you have it. When that light goes dim, they will not be around. <br /> <br /> :This is a hard one to spot because usually you're in such a good spot when they are around that you don't notice them riding on your name. Usually you notice these types when you're in the bucket and they are not there to help you out. You will '''get out of that gutter''' at some point. When you, do they will come back-a-knocking. Tell them to go fuck themselves. You're better off without the dead weight moving forward. You have learned your lesson. If you let this happen again then you're a fucking idiot and should not be on my site.<br /> <br /> == The Bottom line ==<br /> <br /> People don't change unless they decide in their core that they want and need to. Usually this happens when their world has crumbled and they realize that the person they were was not the person they want to be. Granted this is rare but it can happen. I learned at a young age that people don't change. My brother really liked drugs. No matter what my sisters or parents did we could not convince him that drugs were bad for him and for us. To this day, my brother is the same way and to this day it pains us all. Were we to have '''let him hit the floor''' then maybe he would have woken up one day in the gutter and realized that he needed to change. We didn't and he hasn't. Remember this when you have a friend that needs to change. Only they can do it. Nothing you do or say will convince them. If you're trying to change someone then you're a dick that is wasting time. '''Move on''' and find the right friends that need no input from you on they way they should be unless they ask for your help.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Death&diff=733 2011-02-21T23:58:41Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> == 12/18/2010 ==<br /> <br /> In death comes life. In life comes death. It could not be simpler. <br /> <br /> <br /> Today, life is much too highly regarded. People want to love forever. Everyone thinks they are fighting the ticking clock of life. Am I the only one that has always been more curious of how life will be without me then how life is with? <br /> <br /> <br /> I would like to die a happy man, to feel comfortable in the fact that I completed what I was meant to. I live daily in fear of never completing this task. This way of thinking is directly linked to area of my [[Life]] page having to do with acceptance of one's fate, once realized. <br /> <br /> <br /> When someone dies, let them pass. Make sure everyday that everyone around you knows how you feel or felt. Make sure that no one has questions about you. Try to go without enemies; if you can't, make sure they understand why they are your enemies and not your friends. When you're gone, maybe then they will reflect on what you had to say and feel and why. Maybe they will gain a clearer view on the subject and prove a better person to others in their future. Silence will die with you and not teach anyone anything. <br /> <br /> <br /> I have tried to live this way everyday but '''there are a few things I need to say before I go'''. I will get there. '''I hope you do too.'''</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Life&diff=732 2011-02-21T23:56:55Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> == 01/14/2011 ==<br /> <br /> Life…. When did it get so fucking serious?<br /> <br /> <br /> Has anyone besides me looked at what modern medicine has done to the average life expectancy of a man? Look at a few pictures of the men and women from the beginning of photography to say, the 40s or 50s. It is shocking to see what a 30 year old man looked like then. I would liken him to a man in his 50s today. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Things have changed.''' First, people died younger so they had to have kids young, get serious about life young to support the kids. These were go-getters that worked their fucking asses off. These people raised some serious kids but somewhere along the way, things started to change. America was up and coming as the place not to fuck with in every regard. We were firing on all cylinders and had critical mass, but slowly the kids were starting to be raised differently. They were starting to be protected from the world and its good and bad. That being said, some of the bad has gotten worse so it was justified, but to what end?<br /> <br /> <br /> Today, people are not having kids until they are in their 40s. This is hard for the kids as this is well past the prime age for reproducing and it has created a bunch of new hindrances that we see in kids these days (evolution much?). Sadly, modern medicine is now enabling us to have kids later and later in life. Usually the body would adapt and learn how to support birth later into the years, but that is not happening fast enough for man, man wants it now! '''Fuck it right, I have the money?''' Jesus, this is a slippery slope.<br /> <br /> <br /> Now we have a lot of old people that are able to get old because the modern support systems have gotten them so far, but what is going to happen when all these kids are born so late and have no parents to protect them! Oh dear God, will they have to go out and learn on their own? Poor them.<br /> <br /> <br /> Personally, I think America has missed the boat on a few things. First, it is far too hard to have kids (financially). Public health is a new idea here, jobs are at an all time low, the cost of living is going up, houses are unaffordable (when they were our greed fucked it up). We have two political parties that are so consumed with money and power that they are forgetting how the fuck we got here. We have men and woman that were brought to the US or born in the US by people that wanted to be here, by people that understood that this place meant something. Those kids worked hard, they were taught to go out and work, make something, live the dream if you work to earn it. Today we are not having kids until we can afford it and we are so happy about it that we will do everything and anything for them. Pay to send them to school, let them slack while they &quot;find&quot; themselves. This is how you get a group of kids that neither work nor think. They are self-consumed and never think about the greater good. All they want to do is have fun, make money and talk about it later. <br /> <br /> <br /> We knock the EU for its semi-socialist governments, but look at what is happening there. They have an educated, healthy, sustained youth that will carry them into the future without dictatorship. Yes, they pay 50% taxes, but so would I if it meant I could have a family and not die of a heart attack from stress. We have people running this country that were fed opinion as children by their parents. Opinions that were not factual. Opinions that made them believe certain things, things that are driven by the want for power and money. What the fuck happened! Open your fucking eyes people. This is all very broken. It might be OK now, but it is rapidly going south. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Getting back on track now''', back to life (sorry for the rant). <br /> <br /> <br /> Personally, I was raised in the most amazing environment I could imagine (this is my opinion and stated as such). Not rich, not poor, not pushed, not forced, not biased or skewed by jaded influences. There is a lot I don't know or understand, but let me tell you one thing, '''I am a lucky man'''. This I recognize and this I hope one day to be able to provide to my kids if I am lucky enough to have them. <br /> <br /> <br /> I grew up with every option in the world at my fingertips. Schools, collage, careers, girls, kids, friends, toys, projects, houses. I chose my career path at an early age and I am lucky to have it, but it has left a void in me that is growing larger by the day. I make good money. I have had a lot of fun. I have traveled. I have met many. I have all the toys I could ever dream of. I own a house, cars, bikes, so on. Where does this land me? Having all I have ever wanted has left me wanting more. <br /> <br /> <br /> What am I here to do? Make money? Check. Invest? Check. Take chances, do amazing things? Check. Be a good friend, have good friends? Check. There is still something missing. I have a strange genetic disposition for being the best at something on both side of the parental fence, but what will it be? '''Let me know when you get it figured out''' because I could use the help. I have always envied those that know at a young age what they are going to do with their lives. They get to start young and do it all the way. I have been allowed to learn so many things and get good at them that I am not faced with the harsh reality that I don't know what to do! Where do I begin.<br /> <br /> <br /> I will keep looking. Keep working. Keep trying new things. Keep changing. Keep meeting new people. Keep telling bad friends to take a walk. I am waiting for everything to fall apart so that I can play my part. Mankind will come together in a time of need and will need people like all of us to support the next thing. Personally I can't wait. <br /> <br /> <br /> In the meantime I will continue to not watch TV. Continue to not take Advil or anything when my body says it needs it help. Stay sharp, live the best I can, and be a better person. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Over and fucking out.'''<br /> <br /> //db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=WideOpen&diff=731 2011-02-21T23:48:58Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''02/19/2011<br /> <br /> '''You can now get to this site by going to www.ibenson.com''' Yes I really am the asshole that registered this domain name, but come on. Don't act surprised.<br /> <br /> Ever wonder what you're meant to be doing? Why you have a pulse? Where it is all heading? You can wonder, but don't let it ruin your days. Live today, not tomorrow or yesterday.<br /> <br /> I do many things. I have a career path as a network engineer. I know more about computers then I care to admit. I race motorcycles, build motorcycles and cars, and so on. All I really like to do is ride my bicycle and not have a phone in my pocket. Think that will ever happen? Ya, neither do I but a guy can have a dream and wake up with his head in the toilet once a year, right?<br /> <br /> <br /> I really do have a job as a network engineer and for some reason I feel that it is burning a hole in my soul. Something inside me (soul) tells my mind that I am not doing what I was put here to do, but that is for a different page. I work for an amazing company and life is better, but it does not help the core fact that I should be doing something else. Maybe I can find the balance between career and life. I think this is the way to go but I will let you know how it works out. <br /> <br /> <br /> In the meantime I work too hard, feel like shit constantly, run from friends and responsibility.<br /> <br /> <br /> I have become a believer in that '''if something is meant to happen in your life it will'''. How long do you think one should sit around and wait for said change before<br /> one gets off his/her lazy ass and makes changes happen? I don't know what kind of changes, take a guess. Job, location, habits, traits, friends, food, culture so on. Get the point skippy?<br /> <br /> <br /> I know, I know, there are many things wrong with me. //db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Shop&diff=730 2011-02-21T23:46:24Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I was born in Newport RI and have lived in and out of the city all my life, never really able to leave it. In 2008, I committed to buying a property with a long time friend. We bought a commercial space in the lower part of the city with plans to make it into quite a complex. Things did not work out the way we planned, as many plans do. Needless to say our friendship ended and my hair rapidly started to become less dark. The shop is about 3K sq feet and is fairly rough but it serves myself and many of my close friends well.<br /> <br /> <br /> We have a bike lift, Gin-Boom Crane and a lots-o-bikes. Plenty of room for a good number of cars and a party.<br /> <br /> [[File:Partytime.jpg|center|link=File:Partytime.jpg|800px]]</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Life&diff=681 2011-02-13T13:53:28Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> == 01/14/2011 ==<br /> <br /> Life…. When did it get so fucking serious?<br /> <br /> <br /> Has anyone besides me looked at what modern medicine has done to the average life expectancy of a man? Look at a few pictures of the men and women from the beginning of photography to say, the 40s or 50s. It is shocking to see what a 30 year old man looked like then. I would liken them to a man in his 50s today. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Things have changed.''' First, people died younger so they had to have kids young, get serious about life young to support the kids. These were go-getters that worked their fucking asses off. These people raised some serious kids but somewhere along the way, things started to change. America was up and coming as the place not to fuck with in every regard. We were firing on all cylinders and had critical mass but slowly the kids were starting to be raised differently. They were starting to be protected from the world and its good and bad. With that said, some of the bad has gotten worse so it was justified, but to what end?<br /> <br /> <br /> Today, people are not having kids until they are in their 40s. This is hard for the kids as this is well past the prime age for reproducing and it has created a bunch of new hindrances that we see in kids these days (Evolution much?). Sadly, modern medicine is now enabling us to have kids later and later in life. Usually the body would adapt and learn how to support birth later into the years but that is not happening fast enough for man, man wants it now! '''Fuck it right, I have the money?''' Jesus, this is a slippery slope.<br /> <br /> <br /> Now we have a lot of old people that are able to get old because the modern support systems have gotten them so far but what is going to happen when all these kids are born so late and have no parents to protect them! Ohh dear god, will they have to go out and learn on their own? Poor them.<br /> <br /> <br /> Personally I think America has missed the boat on a few things. First, it is far to hard to have kids (Financially). Public health is a new idea here, Jobs are at an all time low, the cost of living is going up, houses are unaffordable (when they were our greed fucked it up). We have two political parties that are so consumed with money and power that they are forgetting how the fuck we got here. We have men and woman that were brought to the US or born in the US by people that wanted to be here, by people that understood that this place meant something. Those kids worked hard, they were taught to go out and work, make something, live the dream if you work to earn it. Today we are not having kids until we can afford it and we are so happy about it that we will do everything and anything for them. Pay to send them to school, let them slack while they &quot;find&quot; themselves. This is how you get a group of kids that neither work nor think. They are self consumed and never think about the greater good. All that want to do is have fun, make money and talk about it later. <br /> <br /> <br /> We knock the EU for the semi socialist governments but look at what is happening there. They have and Educated, Healthy, Sustained youth that will carry them into the future without dictatorship. Yes, they pay 50% taxes but so would I if it meant I could have a family and not die of a heart attack from stress. We have people running this country that were fed opinion as children by their parents. Opinions that were not factual. Opinions that made them believe certain things, things that are driven by the want for power and money. What the fuck happened! Open your fucking eyes people. This is all very broken. It might be OK now but it is rapidly going south. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Getting back on track now''', back to life (sorry for the rant). <br /> <br /> <br /> Personally, I was raised in the most amazing environment I could imagine (this is my opinion and stated as such). Not rich, Not poor, Not pushed, Not forced, Not biased or skewed by jaded influences. There is a lot I don't know or understand but let me tell you one thing, '''I am a lucky man'''. This I recognize and this I hope one day to be able to provide to my kids if I am lucky enough to have them. <br /> <br /> <br /> I grew up with every option in the world at my fingertips. Schools, Collages, Careers, Girls, Kids, Friends, Toys, Projects, Houses. I chose my career path at an early age and I am lucky to have it but it has left a void in me that is growing larger by the day. I make good money. I have had a lot of fun. I have traveled. I have met many. I have all the toys I could ever dream of. I own a house, cars, bikes, so on. Where does this land me? Having all I have ever wanted has left me wanting more. <br /> <br /> <br /> What am I here to do? Make money? Check. Invest? Check. Take chances, do amazing things? Check. Be a good friend, have good friends? Check. There is still something missing. I have a strange genetic disposition for being the best at something on both side of the parental fence but what will it be? '''Let me know when you get it figured''' because I could use the help. I have always envied those that know at a young age what they are going to do with their lives. They get to start young and do it all the way. I have been allows to learn so many things and get good at them that I am not faced with the harsh reality that I don't know what to do! Where do I begin.<br /> <br /> <br /> I will keep looking. Keep working. Keep trying new things. Keep changing. Keep meeting new people. Keep telling bad friends to take a walk. I am waiting for everything to fall apart so that I can play my part. Mankind will come together in a time of need and will need people like all of us to support the next thing. Personally I can't wait. <br /> <br /> <br /> In the meantime I will continue to not watch TV. Continue to not take advil or anything when my body says it needs it help. Stay sharp, live the best I can and be a better person. <br /> <br /> <br /> '''Over and fucking out.'''<br /> <br /> //db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=ClosedUp&diff=680 2011-02-13T13:49:27Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> <br /> '''Well'''<br /> <br /> If you are here, then you're looking for something else on this site and/or something more in regards to what goes on in my detrimentally twisted mind. <br /> <br /> <br /> What you see here are things in my mind. They are not fact and they may be fiction. Regardless, I have not pressed them upon you and I do not expect to talk about them or why I feel these ways. Read what you will, but do not press upon me any opinions you may have, as you are the one that got you here, not me. <br /> <br /> <br /> This is an area of random rants, thoughts, ideas. This is in no way organized to be written or read well. <br /> ----<br /> [[Life]]<br /> <br /> [[Death]]<br /> <br /> [[Friendships]]<br /> <br /> [[Relationships]]<br /> <br /> [[Kiddos]]<br /> <br /> [[Work]]<br /> <br /> [[Money]]<br /> <br /> [[Physical possessions]]<br /> <br /> [[Why]]</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Shop&diff=679 2011-02-13T13:45:00Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I was born in Newport RI and have lived in and out of the city all my life, never really able to leave it. In 2008, I committed to buying a property with a long time friend. We bought a commercial space in the lower part of the city with plans to make it into quite a complex. Things did not work out the way we planned as many plans do. Needless to say our friendship ended and my hair rapidly started to become less dark. The shop is about 3K sq feet and is fairly rough, but it serves myself and many of my close friends well.<br /> <br /> <br /> We have a bike lift, Gin-Boom Crane and a lots-o-bikes. Plenty of room for a good number of cars and a party.<br /> <br /> [[File:Partytime.jpg|center|link=File:Partytime.jpg|800px]]</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Pushers&diff=678 2011-02-13T13:34:07Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> Since I could remember I was stuck on a bike seat. Ever since my brother taught me to ride at 3 I have been doing insane things on bikes. I am a little more chill these days but I do my best to get out there. <br /> <br /> I started with BMX, got heavy into mountain bikes then moved to road bikes (yes, I wear spandex) and I do my best to get on my track bikes as ofter as I can. The fixed units bring me right back to the BMX days. Out with your friends, doing stupid shit, you know one of you is gonna bag, get hurt, hit someone, you know, the good old shit. <br /> <br /> == Circle A ==<br /> <br /> This bike came to me. I never had a vision or a thought. A friend called me one day and said he had something for me. Out of his car came a hand built frame and fork from [http://www.circleacycles.com/ CircleAcycles] Providence, RI. After refusing about ten times over the course of a month, I folded and accepted this amazing machine. <br /> <br /> <br /> Months before at [http://www.legendbicycle.com/ Legend Cycles], I had seen a set of Velocity Rims, tied to White Industries hubs, which happened to be blue. It all came together in my mind. Campy cranks and a few other bits made this bike really turn out. Again, I got lucky.<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:CircleACompleteSideS.jpg|link=File:CircleACompleteSideS.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> This rear hub is called the Eno, which allows a vertical dropout bike to go fixed because it has a unique eccentric axle that allows for chain tensioning. <br /> <br /> [[File:CircleACompleteRear.jpg|link=File:CircleACompleteRear.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> Currently, this bike is in pieces since I crashed hard on it, but it does now have white tires and a ti seatpost while having a very retro Cinelli Stem. Images to come.<br /> <br /> == The Guch ==<br /> <br /> The gucch is in interesting story. I had always wanted to build an 80s aluminum lug bike. Specifically a Specialized carbon Allez. While I could not find one of these, I did stumble upon an all-original Guerciotti. The bike was complete with stock Shimano 105, which I pulled off the second I got it. I initially built this thing as my rain commuter bike, but it turned out to be really comfy so I rode it a lot more then I had planned. Again, right now it is in pieces. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Guch2.jpg|link=File:Guch2.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 08 S-Works Langsta ==<br /> <br /> The 08 Langster was my first real track bike. All my others were hacked up. As I loved them dearly, this bike really runs home my love for the aluminum jackhammer S-works bikes that I have spent so many hours on. This bike is basically an 06 S-works Allez road bike with horizontal dropouts and a custom full carbon fork. Running an Open Pro rear tied to a Surley double track hub with an Aerospoker in the front. Newton stem, Dura ace cranks. <br /> <br /> I really love the bike but I could never gobble the paint. It is a hideous design and a total shame to have been put on this frame.<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:2008SworksS.jpg|link=File:2008SworksS.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 10 S-Works Special ==<br /> <br /> In 09, Specialized made an all black s-works Langster but I still was not impressed. It was not until I saw the 2010 bike that I was happy with it. This bike is identical to the 08, but without the horrible paint. There were only a few of these made and I got lucky to find this thing. <br /> <br /> <br /> When I bought this frame I decided I would go big with the components. I found a set of custom CPX30 Mavics tied to Phil wood custom machined hubs to allow for bladed spokes. These are running radial in front and two cross on the rear. Thompson Stem and Mavic 80s style star fish cranks. Quick release pedals and a few other bits. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:2010SworksRIght.jpg|link=File:2010SworksRIght.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> [[File:2010SworksRightFaceS.jpg|link=File:2010SworksRightFaceS.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 08 S-Works Roubaix SL ==<br /> I built this bike after owning a few aluminum S-Works Allez. My back was starting to go bad and I wanted to be able to ride. The Roubaix is a total La-Z-boy when it comes to the bumps, it sucks them right up. This ride has Sram on it (my first) and I have to say, I like it. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Rubbbby.jpg|link=File:Rubbbby.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 09 S-Works Tarmac SL2 ==<br /> <br /> When I was told that my back problems were caused by a leg length difference, I ran out and built the bike I really wanted (love the Roubaix and all). This thing is amazing. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Taaaarmac.jpg|link=File:Taaaarmac.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> == DC's Carbon Dream ==<br /> <br /> DC tried a few of my bikes and liked them enough to want one to call his own. When he called to talk about it, I told him I would build him a bike if he let me do it right. He did. <br /> <br /> Basically, I built him the bike I always wanted. An original, aluminum lug, carbon tubed Specialized Allez.<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:AllezRightBack.jpg |link=File:AllezRightBack.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> We ran velocity deeps tied to White Industries Eno eccentric hubs. Such a sweeeeeet machine, aside from the brake. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:AllezFront.jpg |link=File:AllezFront.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> == Rocket's Carbon Special ==<br /> <br /> This was my first track bike. I bought it from Jesse@ what was The Hub bicycle shop in Providence. It was his personal bike and I just had to have it. It had a Spinergy in the front but that slowly failed. From there, this bike went to my best friend at the time, then found it's way to El-Rocket. <br /> <br /> He has done a few things to her but mostly just beaten it to shit. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Rockettrek.JPG |link=File:Rockettrek.JPG |500px]]<br /> <br /> == 2dism ==<br /> <br /> Times were good at Houston Ave. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:2dismS.jpg|link=File:2dismS.jpg|600px]]</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Autos&diff=677 2011-02-13T13:21:09Z

<p>Abby: /* 1929 Ford Model A Pickup */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> '''Updated: 02092011'''<br /> <br /> <br /> I have always had a problem with cars. Usually they are rare. Usually they are well taken care of. They are always fast. They are always European (I have owned a few American trucks) and they always have my name written all over them. No wonder the cops love them as much as I do. <br /> <br /> '''Current Machines:''' <br /> == 1982 e24 635csi ==<br /> <br /> This is a very rare grey market import car that has lived its life in California. The body is amazing but the interior is gonzo. Stay tuned to see what we do with her.<br /> <br /> [[File:635csi.JPG|link=File:635csi.JPG|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1988 e28 BMW M5 ==<br /> <br /> I was lucky enough to buy this machine from the original owner. When I drove it away there were 92,000 Miles on the clock. She needed and still needs quite a bit of work, but it will happen. <br /> <br /> [[File:E28-RIghtBack.jpg|link=File:E28-RIghtBack.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> When I drove it away from the sad fella I bought it from, I found that the stock suspension left something to be desired. I promptly pulled the whole car apart. Replaced the auto-leveling system with H&amp;R Springs combined with Bilstein shocks. Lowering springs landed this machine right where I think it should be. I also put camber plates in the front end to add camber to the front wheel.<br /> <br /> [[File:E28LeftBack.jpg|link=File:E28LeftBack.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> I also disliked the original 16&quot; style 5 one piece wheels the car came with. I hunted around and landed on a set of badly bent (unbeknownst to me at the time of sale) very good looking style 5 17&quot;s. <br /> <br /> [[File:IMG 0324m.jpg|link=File:IMG 0324m.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> I have since replace the DOT headlight and grills with Euro-Spec units. Pictures to follow when I get the time.<br /> <br /> == 1929 Ford Model A Pickup ==<br /> <br /> A work in progress. This is a 1929 Model A ford. This machine has a Diamond Block, C crank, drilled for oil. Isky cam, Dual Winfields and a Cragar overhead valve head. 39 floor shift and a whole lot more to come. <br /> <br /> [[File:Notmuchtoit.jpg|link=File:Notmuchtoit.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Trans.jpg|link=File:Trans.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:ValveCover.jpg|link=File:ValveCover.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> Before I pulled it to bits:<br /> <br /> [[File:ModelAS.jpg|link=File:ModelAS.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> '''Past Machines:''' <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> == 2003 e39 BMW M5 ==<br /> What a machine! The e39 is by far my favorite BMW ever made (aside from the e28). This car got me in so much trouble I had to sell it. Dinan single mass flywheel made all the difference. I will own another someday soon. <br /> <br /> <br /> Blacked out from head to toe:<br /> <br /> [[File:LeftBack.jpg|link=File:LeftBack.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Rightside.jpg|link=File:Rightside.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2003 e46 BMW M3 ==<br /> <br /> This was truly an unreal car. The brakes, balance and steering were the most impressive things about it. I was not a real fan of the 8K redlining motor but with the the agility I was never one to complain. <br /> <br /> [[File:M3M5.jpg|link=File:M3M5.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1999 e39 528is ==<br /> <br /> == 1999 Saab Viggen ==<br /> <br /> Now this is one serious car. I had so much fun in this car it is shocking. I also got a lot of tickets in this thing. The color is anything but discreet. Lowered. Bigger turbo. Brake work. Exhaust work. Torque steer up the fucking ass!!!! <br /> <br /> One of 3000 made. <br /> <br /> [[File:RightFront.jpg |link=RightFront.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:TopLeft.jpg |link=TopLeft.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Left.jpg |link=Left.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> Only I would chop the exhaust and side dump it like this. <br /> <br /> [[File:RightDetail.jpg |link=RightDetail.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> == 1988 Saab SPG Carlsson ==<br /> <br /> When I was young I had a real hard on for the SPG Saabs. The best I could find was this rare Air Flow Kit Carlsson edition SPG. I was so sucked into this thing that I put 4 Transmissions and 3 motors in it. Too many turbos to speak of. At the time it was one hell of a car. <br /> <br /> [[File:StormTrooperSPG.jpg|link=File:StormTrooperSPG.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1986 Saab SPG ==<br /> <br /> == 1983 e21 BMW 323i ==<br /> <br /> == 1974 BMW 2002 ==</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Autos&diff=676 2011-02-13T13:20:34Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> ----<br /> '''Updated: 02092011'''<br /> <br /> <br /> I have always had a problem with cars. Usually they are rare. Usually they are well taken care of. They are always fast. They are always European (I have owned a few American trucks) and they always have my name written all over them. No wonder the cops love them as much as I do. <br /> <br /> '''Current Machines:''' <br /> == 1982 e24 635csi ==<br /> <br /> This is a very rare grey market import car that has lived its life in California. The body is amazing but the interior is gonzo. Stay tuned to see what we do with her.<br /> <br /> [[File:635csi.JPG|link=File:635csi.JPG|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1988 e28 BMW M5 ==<br /> <br /> I was lucky enough to buy this machine from the original owner. When I drove it away there were 92,000 Miles on the clock. She needed and still needs quite a bit of work, but it will happen. <br /> <br /> [[File:E28-RIghtBack.jpg|link=File:E28-RIghtBack.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> When I drove it away from the sad fella I bought it from, I found that the stock suspension left something to be desired. I promptly pulled the whole car apart. Replaced the auto-leveling system with H&amp;R Springs combined with Bilstein shocks. Lowering springs landed this machine right where I think it should be. I also put camber plates in the front end to add camber to the front wheel.<br /> <br /> [[File:E28LeftBack.jpg|link=File:E28LeftBack.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> I also disliked the original 16&quot; style 5 one piece wheels the car came with. I hunted around and landed on a set of badly bent (unbeknownst to me at the time of sale) very good looking style 5 17&quot;s. <br /> <br /> [[File:IMG 0324m.jpg|link=File:IMG 0324m.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> I have since replace the DOT headlight and grills with Euro-Spec units. Pictures to follow when I get the time.<br /> <br /> == 1929 Ford Model A Pickup ==<br /> <br /> A work in progress. This is a 1929 Model A ford. This machine has a Diamond Block, C crank, drilled for oil. Isky cam, Dual Winfields and a Crager overhead valve head. 39 floor shift and a whole lot more to come. <br /> <br /> [[File:Notmuchtoit.jpg|link=File:Notmuchtoit.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Trans.jpg|link=File:Trans.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:ValveCover.jpg|link=File:ValveCover.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> Before I pulled it to bits:<br /> <br /> [[File:ModelAS.jpg|link=File:ModelAS.jpg|600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> '''Past Machines:''' <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> == 2003 e39 BMW M5 ==<br /> What a machine! The e39 is by far my favorite BMW ever made (aside from the e28). This car got me in so much trouble I had to sell it. Dinan single mass flywheel made all the difference. I will own another someday soon. <br /> <br /> <br /> Blacked out from head to toe:<br /> <br /> [[File:LeftBack.jpg|link=File:LeftBack.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Rightside.jpg|link=File:Rightside.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2003 e46 BMW M3 ==<br /> <br /> This was truly an unreal car. The brakes, balance and steering were the most impressive things about it. I was not a real fan of the 8K redlining motor but with the the agility I was never one to complain. <br /> <br /> [[File:M3M5.jpg|link=File:M3M5.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1999 e39 528is ==<br /> <br /> == 1999 Saab Viggen ==<br /> <br /> Now this is one serious car. I had so much fun in this car it is shocking. I also got a lot of tickets in this thing. The color is anything but discreet. Lowered. Bigger turbo. Brake work. Exhaust work. Torque steer up the fucking ass!!!! <br /> <br /> One of 3000 made. <br /> <br /> [[File:RightFront.jpg |link=RightFront.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:TopLeft.jpg |link=TopLeft.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Left.jpg |link=Left.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> <br /> Only I would chop the exhaust and side dump it like this. <br /> <br /> [[File:RightDetail.jpg |link=RightDetail.jpg | 600px]]]<br /> <br /> == 1988 Saab SPG Carlsson ==<br /> <br /> When I was young I had a real hard on for the SPG Saabs. The best I could find was this rare Air Flow Kit Carlsson edition SPG. I was so sucked into this thing that I put 4 Transmissions and 3 motors in it. Too many turbos to speak of. At the time it was one hell of a car. <br /> <br /> [[File:StormTrooperSPG.jpg|link=File:StormTrooperSPG.jpg| 600px]]<br /> <br /> == 1986 Saab SPG ==<br /> <br /> == 1983 e21 BMW 323i ==<br /> <br /> == 1974 BMW 2002 ==</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Trips&diff=675 2011-02-13T13:16:40Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I have traveled to almost every continent on the planet. Sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons.<br /> <br /> <br /> During two of my trips I made extensive image blogs for my friends around the globe. I figured that if I was lucky enough to do something or to go some place amazing, that I would do my best to share it. While this was a time consuming process, it was a lot of fun and I think people liked it. Along with the images came thoughts from my time at any one given place. These thoughts were sometimes happy and sometimes dark. All in all, I think they showed where my life was at the time. I am a strange case, just bear with me.<br /> <br /> <br /> Most of these trips were made possible because a close friend, [http://www.murrayguy.com/an_my/main.html An-My Le], is a very active large-format photographer. Some of her trips can be long and require the help of muscle and an extra set of hands. <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> <br /> == 2004: Europe by train and foot ==<br /> <br /> In 2004, I was working for a company and had gone off to NYC. While I was in NYC I was working too hard and not getting the communication I wanted from the uppers in the company. Lets just say things were not going that well. At the same time, I had just gotten out of a ringer of a relationship and I was dying to do something I had always wanted to do but would never again get the chance to. I quit my job, packed up my shit, closed out my 401K, bought a first class Eurail pass and took the hell off. <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/ '''Europa 2004''']<br /> <br /> [[File:SorrentoskyBandWs.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2006: Bahrain, Iraq, and Kuwait ==<br /> <br /> [http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html'''The Middle East'''] This is a small little taste of this trip. I will redo this at some point. <br /> <br /> [[File:FA18.jpg|500px|center |link=http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html]]<br /> <br /> == 2007: Japan, viewed from a different perspective. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post these but will. '''Easy killer.''' This is a lot of work and I have a day job.<br /> <br /> == 2008: Antarctica by planes, trains, busses and ice picks. ==<br /> <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic/ '''Antartica 2008'''] Going to the Ice for a month. My gracious boss at the time let me go and it was a life changer. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Base.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2008: Greenland by planes, planes, and evil flies. ==<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1 '''Greenland#1 2008'''] After going to the Ice, it was very interesting to see where the Air Force practices their ice landings. Greenland is an interesting place. <br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland2 '''Greenland#2 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland3 '''Greenland#3 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland4 '''Greenland#4 2008''']<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:CockedCockpit.jpeg|center|link=http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2010: Haiti, days after a disaster. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post images from this trip but I will. Bear with me.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=WideOpen&diff=674 2011-02-13T13:13:41Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''01/15/2011<br /> <br /> '''Ever wonder what you're meant to be doing?''' Why you have a pulse? Where it is all heading? You can wonder but don't let it ruin your days. Live today and not tomorrow or yesterday.<br /> <br /> I do many things. I have a career path of a network engineer. I know more about computers then I care to admit. I race motorcycles, build motorcycles and cars, and so on. All I really like to do is ride my bicycle and not have a phone in my pocket. Think that will ever happen? Ya, neither do I but a guy can have a dream and wake up with his head in the toilet once a year, right?<br /> <br /> <br /> I really do have a job as a network engineer and for some reason I feel that it is burning a hole in my soul. Something inside me (soul) tells my mind that I am not doing what I was put here to do, but that is for a different page. I work for an amazing company and life is better but it does not help the core fact that I should be doing something else. Maybe I can find the balance between career and life. I think this is the way to go but I will let you know how it works out. <br /> <br /> <br /> In the meantime I work too hard, feel like shit constantly, run from friends and responsibility.<br /> <br /> <br /> I have become a believer in that '''if something is meant to happen in your life it will'''. How long do you think one should sit around and wait for said change before<br /> one gets off his/her lazy ass and makes changes happen? I don't know what kind of changes, take a guess. Job, location, habits, traits, friends, food, culture so on. Get the point skippy?<br /> <br /> <br /> I know, I know, there are many things wrong with me. //db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=SportFighter&diff=673 2011-02-13T13:03:15Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''Updated: 02/012/2011'''<br /> <br /> America is full of Harleys. These are bikes that Americans think are the best. This is because they know no better. These are crap bikes. The engines are excellent but old tech. The frames are a mix of tubular and forged and weigh a ton. All the poor craftsmanship is covered by low dollar chrome parts. The only thing I can say I like about this bikes aside from the engine is the wiring. It is tight and easy. <br /> <br /> With this said, '''The styling is sin'''.<br /> <br /> <br /> ==Reasoning==<br /> <br /> Doc's first bike was a 1996 sporty (he didn't talk to me before he bought this bike). After owning a few Ducs he totally abandoned this thing to a friend's garage. When that friend damaged the tank, I suggested it was time to make a move. <br /> <br /> ==Stock these things are hideous!==<br /> <br /> Chrome up the ass. Low to the ground. Heavy. Mushy. Everything a bike should not be.<br /> <br /> [[File:Sportfightstockyuck.jpg |link=File:Sportfightstockyuck.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Breakdown==<br /> <br /> Ever seen a Harley fly? Ya, me neither. They are too fucking heavy to fly. 3 hours and the bike starts to look like a fucking bike and not a couch. <br /> <br /> [[File:SportfightFlyingRight.jpg|link=File:SportfightFlyingRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> [[File:SportfightFlyingLeft.jpg|link=File:SportfightFlyingLeft.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Initial Mockup==<br /> <br /> It's get stoked time!! A friend of mine told me years ago that he had a Dunstall Aluminum Tank from a Norton he bought. I didn't forget this when I started thinking this thing up in my mind and man, am I happy about it.<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFightmock.jpg|link=File:SportFightmock.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Modern Frontend Mockup==<br /> <br /> How lucky am I that a Ducati 851/888 Front Triple mounts right up to this Harley!!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Now I need to cut off the rear half of the frame, figure out the new Swingarm and rear subframe. Never mind figuring out where your feet are gonna go. Oui!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockFrontRight.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockFrontRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> My ugly ass thinking about seating and suspension height. <br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockSeating.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockSeating.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Subtail and Swingarm Mockup==<br /> <br /> '''02/12/2011'''<br /> <br /> In the mail came a sad sad sight. One very crashed Ducati Sport classic Frame. Well, needless to say I chopped it in half as quickly as I could!!!<br /> <br /> [[File:Opps.jpg |link=File:Opps.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> I don't know what to say, other then I am getting excited!!!!!<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRightFront.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRightFront.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Love it.<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameTop.jpg |link=File:SubFrameTop.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Tank Tank Tank.<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameLeftRear.jpg |link=File:SubFrameLeftRear.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Did I mention I also get the wheels in!<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRightRear.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRightRear.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> I only wish I could keep this single sided shock swingarm, but I can't. The Harleys drive on the right side while the Ducatis drive on the left. Because of this the chain (yes, this will be chain driven) will hit the hump on this arm. I have a straight unit coming in the mail. <br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRight.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==What's to come==<br /> <br /> Next week I will be in possession of the following:<br /> <br /> Ohlins rear shocks. Newer front end (Ohlins later). Double shocked swingarm. <br /> <br /> I will then be spending about 6 hours in front of my milling machine getting the rear swingarm mounted. <br /> <br /> This will be what America should be building. <br /> <br /> I sure hope I can pull it off!<br /> <br /> Stay tuned.<br /> <br /> db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=SportFighter&diff=672 2011-02-13T13:02:56Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''Updated: 02/012/2011'''<br /> h<br /> America is full of Harleys. These are bikes that Americans think are the best. This is because they know no better. These are crap bikes. The engines are excellent but old tech. The frames are a mix of tubular and forged and weigh a ton. All the poor craftsmanship is covered by low dollar chrome parts. The only thing I can say I like about this bikes aside from the engine is the wiring. It is tight and easy. <br /> <br /> With this said, '''The styling is sin'''.<br /> <br /> <br /> ==Reasoning==<br /> <br /> Doc's first bike was a 1996 sporty (he didn't talk to me before he bought this bike). After owning a few Ducs he totally abandoned this thing to a friend's garage. When that friend damaged the tank, I suggested it was time to make a move. <br /> <br /> ==Stock these things are hideous!==<br /> <br /> Chrome up the ass. Low to the ground. Heavy. Mushy. Everything a bike should not be.<br /> <br /> [[File:Sportfightstockyuck.jpg |link=File:Sportfightstockyuck.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Breakdown==<br /> <br /> Ever seen a Harley fly? Ya, me neither. They are too fucking heavy to fly. 3 hours and the bike starts to look like a fucking bike and not a couch. <br /> <br /> [[File:SportfightFlyingRight.jpg|link=File:SportfightFlyingRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> [[File:SportfightFlyingLeft.jpg|link=File:SportfightFlyingLeft.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Initial Mockup==<br /> <br /> It's get stoked time!! A friend of mine told me years ago that he had a Dunstall Aluminum Tank from a Norton he bought. I didn't forget this when I started thinking this thing up in my mind and man, am I happy about it.<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFightmock.jpg|link=File:SportFightmock.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Modern Frontend Mockup==<br /> <br /> How lucky am I that a Ducati 851/888 Front Triple mounts right up to this Harley!!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Now I need to cut off the rear half of the frame, figure out the new Swingarm and rear subframe. Never mind figuring out where your feet are gonna go. Oui!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockFrontRight.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockFrontRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> My ugly ass thinking about seating and suspension height. <br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockSeating.jpg|link=File:SportFighterMockSeating.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==Subtail and Swingarm Mockup==<br /> <br /> '''02/12/2011'''<br /> <br /> In the mail came a sad sad sight. One very crashed Ducati Sport classic Frame. Well, needless to say I chopped it in half as quickly as I could!!!<br /> <br /> [[File:Opps.jpg |link=File:Opps.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> I don't know what to say, other then I am getting excited!!!!!<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRightFront.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRightFront.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Love it.<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameTop.jpg |link=File:SubFrameTop.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Tank Tank Tank.<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameLeftRear.jpg |link=File:SubFrameLeftRear.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> Did I mention I also get the wheels in!<br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRightRear.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRightRear.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> I only wish I could keep this single sided shock swingarm, but I can't. The Harleys drive on the right side while the Ducatis drive on the left. Because of this the chain (yes, this will be chain driven) will hit the hump on this arm. I have a straight unit coming in the mail. <br /> <br /> [[File:SubFrameRight.jpg |link=File:SubFrameRight.jpg |500px]]<br /> <br /> ==What's to come==<br /> <br /> Next week I will be in possession of the following:<br /> <br /> Ohlins rear shocks. Newer front end (Ohlins later). Double shocked swingarm. <br /> <br /> I will then be spending about 6 hours in front of my milling machine getting the rear swingarm mounted. <br /> <br /> This will be what America should be building. <br /> <br /> I sure hope I can pull it off!<br /> <br /> Stay tuned.<br /> <br /> db</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Motos&diff=623 2011-02-08T03:12:56Z

<p>Abby: /* Woodman&#039;s 996RS */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''One of the things I do''' is make insane cycles (at least I think they are insane, others may disagree). Usually these are based on different models of Ducati. Whether it be a frame from one era, a tank from another, wheels from now and an engine from the future, I try to bring it all home in a clean, simple setup. Additionally I have rebuilt a few machines as well, making them lighter, faster, more agile and mo-betta looking. Below you will find a few of my past builds. They really never end, so even what you see here might be out of date from the bike's current state.<br /> <br /> <br /> == Doc's [[888LTD]] ==<br /> <br /> What started life as a very rare American delivered 1994 Ducati 888 Limited is now a highly (yet tastefully) modified semi-race ready street machine.<br /> <br /> [[File:888DoneRight.jpg|150px|link=888LTD]]<br /> <br /> == Woodman's [[996RS]] ==<br /> <br /> This bike started life as a 748LE (Neiman Marcus) and has since undergone 4 rebuilds and will undergo yet another this winter.<br /> <br /> [[File:996RSNaked.jpg|150px|link=996RS]]<br /> <br /> == The [[DocR]] ==<br /> <br /> I don't have enough room here to go into how this was built but click the link and I will do my best.<br /> <br /> [[File:DocrOhlins.jpg|150px|link=DocR]]<br /> <br /> == The [[SportFighter]] ==<br /> <br /> Americans think they make the best bikes. Harleys are crap and the build quality is a joke. Here I mix old and new to make a true American Hooligan's machine!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg|150px|link=SportFighter]]<br /> <br /> == Rocket's [[Turbo]] Dream ==<br /> <br /> This animal started life as a 1994 Ducati Monster 900, and is now a highly modified PCS Daytona M900Turbo. <br /> <br /> [[File:RocketRight.jpg |link=Turbo |150px]]<br /> <br /> == Doc's toy of a 748R ==<br /> <br /> <br /> == Dave's Monster stomper ==</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Motos&diff=622 2011-02-08T03:12:11Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> '''One of the things I do''' is make insane cycles (at least I think they are insane, others may disagree). Usually these are based on different models of Ducati. Whether it be a frame from one era, a tank from another, wheels from now and an engine from the future, I try to bring it all home in a clean, simple setup. Additionally I have rebuilt a few machines as well, making them lighter, faster, more agile and mo-betta looking. Below you will find a few of my past builds. They really never end, so even what you see here might be out of date from the bike's current state.<br /> <br /> <br /> == Doc's [[888LTD]] ==<br /> <br /> What started life as a very rare American delivered 1994 Ducati 888 Limited is now a highly (yet tastefully) modified semi-race ready street machine.<br /> <br /> [[File:888DoneRight.jpg|150px|link=888LTD]]<br /> <br /> == Woodman's [[996RS]] ==<br /> <br /> This bike started life as a 748LE (Neimen Marcus) and has since undergone 4 rebuilds and will undergo yet another this winter.<br /> <br /> [[File:996RSNaked.jpg|150px|link=996RS]]<br /> <br /> == The [[DocR]] ==<br /> <br /> I don't have enough room here to go into how this was built but click the link and I will do my best.<br /> <br /> [[File:DocrOhlins.jpg|150px|link=DocR]]<br /> <br /> == The [[SportFighter]] ==<br /> <br /> Americans think they make the best bikes. Harleys are crap and the build quality is a joke. Here I mix old and new to make a true American Hooligan's machine!<br /> <br /> [[File:SportFighterMockRight.jpg|150px|link=SportFighter]]<br /> <br /> == Rocket's [[Turbo]] Dream ==<br /> <br /> This animal started life as a 1994 Ducati Monster 900, and is now a highly modified PCS Daytona M900Turbo. <br /> <br /> [[File:RocketRight.jpg |link=Turbo |150px]]<br /> <br /> == Doc's toy of a 748R ==<br /> <br /> <br /> == Dave's Monster stomper ==</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Trips&diff=621 2011-02-08T03:09:58Z

<p>Abby: </p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I have traveled to almost every continent on the planet. Sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons.<br /> <br /> <br /> During two of my trips I made extensive image blogs for my friends around the globe. I figured that if I was lucky enough to do something or to go some place amazing, that I would do my best to share it. While this was a time consuming process, it was a lot of fun and I think people liked it. Along with the images came thoughts from my time at any one given place. These thoughts were sometime happy and sometimes dark. All in all I think they showed where my life was at the time. I am a strange case, just bear with me.<br /> <br /> <br /> Most of these trips were made possible because a close friend, [http://www.murrayguy.com/an_my/main.html An-My Le], is a very active large-format photographer. Some of her trips can be long and require the help of muscle and an extra set of hands. <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> <br /> == 2004: Europe by train and foot ==<br /> <br /> In 2004, I was working for a company and had gone off to NYC. While I was in NYC I was working too hard and not getting the communication I wanted from the uppers in the company. Lets just say things were not going that well. At the same time I had just gotten out of a ringer of a relationship and I was dying to do something I had always wanted to do but to would never again get the chance to. I quit my job, packed up my shit, closed out my 401K, bought a first class Eurail pass and took the hell off. <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/ '''Europa 2004''']<br /> <br /> [[File:SorrentoskyBandWs.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2006: Bahrain, Iraq, and Kuwait ==<br /> <br /> [http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html'''The Middle East'''] This is a small little taste of this trip. I will redo this at some point. <br /> <br /> [[File:FA18.jpg|500px|center |link=http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html]]<br /> <br /> == 2007: Japan, viewed from a different perspective. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post these but will. '''Easy killer.''' This is a lot of work and I have a day job.<br /> <br /> == 2008: Antarctica by planes, trains, busses and ice picks. ==<br /> <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic/ '''Antartica 2008'''] Going to the Ice for a month. My gracious boss at the time let me go and it was a life changer. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Base.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2008: Greenland by planes, planes, and evil flies. ==<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1 '''Greenland#1 2008'''] After going to the Ice, it was very interesting to see where the Air Force practices their ice landings. Greenland is an interesting place. <br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland2 '''Greenland#2 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland3 '''Greenland#3 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland4 '''Greenland#4 2008''']<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:CockedCockpit.jpeg|center|link=http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2010: Haiti, days after a disaster. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post images from this trip but I will. Bear with me.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Trips&diff=620 2011-02-08T03:08:36Z

<p>Abby: /* 2004: Europe by Train and Foot */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I have traveled to almost every continent on the planet. Sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons.<br /> <br /> <br /> Two of my trips I made extensive Image blogs for my friends around the globe. I figured if I were lucky enough to do something or go someplace amazing, that I would do my best to share it. While this was a time consuming process it was a lot of fun and I think people liked it. Along with the images came thoughts from my time at any one given place. These thoughts were sometime happy and sometimes dark. All in all I think they showed where my life was at the given time. I am a strange case, just bare with me.<br /> <br /> <br /> Most of these trips were because a close friend, [http://www.murrayguy.com/an_my/main.html An-My Le], is a very active large format photographer. Some of her trips can be long and require the help of muscle and an extra set of hands. <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> <br /> == 2004: Europe by train and foot ==<br /> <br /> In 2004, I was working for a company and had gone off to NYC. While I was in NYC I was working too hard and not getting the communication I wanted from the uppers in the company. Lets just say things were not going that well. At the same time I had just gotten out of a ringer of a relationship and I was dying to do something I had always wanted to do but to would never again get the chance to. I quit my job, packed up my shit, closed out my 401K, bought a first class Eurail pass and took the hell off. <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/ '''Europa 2004''']<br /> <br /> [[File:SorrentoskyBandWs.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2006: Bahrain, Iraq, and Kuwait ==<br /> <br /> [http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html'''The Middle East'''] This is a small little taste of this trip. I will redo this at some point. <br /> <br /> [[File:FA18.jpg|500px|center |link=http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html]]<br /> <br /> == 2007: Japan, viewed from a different perspective. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post these but will. '''Easy killer.''' This is a lot of work and I have a day job.<br /> <br /> == 2008: Antarctica by planes, trains, busses and ice picks. ==<br /> <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic/ '''Antartica 2008'''] Going to the Ice for a month. My gracious boss at the time let me go and it was a life changer. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Base.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2008: Greenland by planes, planes, and evil flies. ==<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1 '''Greenland#1 2008'''] After going to the Ice, it was very interesting to see where the Air Force practices their ice landings. Greenland is an interesting place. <br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland2 '''Greenland#2 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland3 '''Greenland#3 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland4 '''Greenland#4 2008''']<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:CockedCockpit.jpeg|center|link=http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2010: Haiti, days after a disaster. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post images from this trip but I will. Bear with me.</div>

Abby http://db.ibenson.com/index.php?title=Trips&diff=619 2011-02-08T03:08:10Z

<p>Abby: /* 2010: Haiti days after a disaster */</p> <hr /> <div>[[File:header2.jpg|link=WideOpen]]<br /> <br /> I have traveled to almost every continent on the planet. Sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons.<br /> <br /> <br /> Two of my trips I made extensive Image blogs for my friends around the globe. I figured if I were lucky enough to do something or go someplace amazing, that I would do my best to share it. While this was a time consuming process it was a lot of fun and I think people liked it. Along with the images came thoughts from my time at any one given place. These thoughts were sometime happy and sometimes dark. All in all I think they showed where my life was at the given time. I am a strange case, just bare with me.<br /> <br /> <br /> Most of these trips were because a close friend, [http://www.murrayguy.com/an_my/main.html An-My Le], is a very active large format photographer. Some of her trips can be long and require the help of muscle and an extra set of hands. <br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> <br /> == 2004: Europe by Train and Foot ==<br /> <br /> In 2004, I was working for a company and had gone off to NYC. While I was in NYC I was working too hard and not getting the communication I wanted from the uppers in the company. Lets just say things were not going that well. At the same time I had just gotten out of a ringer of a relationship and I was dying to do something I had always wanted to do but to would never again get the chance to. I quit my job, packed up my shit, closed out my 401K, bought a first class Eurail pass and took the hell off. <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/ '''Europa 2004''']<br /> <br /> [[File:SorrentoskyBandWs.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/trip/|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2006: Bahrain, Iraq, and Kuwait ==<br /> <br /> [http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html'''The Middle East'''] This is a small little taste of this trip. I will redo this at some point. <br /> <br /> [[File:FA18.jpg|500px|center |link=http://www.endlessbummer.com/Stennis.html]]<br /> <br /> == 2007: Japan, viewed from a different perspective. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post these but will. '''Easy killer.''' This is a lot of work and I have a day job.<br /> <br /> == 2008: Antarctica by planes, trains, busses and ice picks. ==<br /> <br /> <br /> [http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic/ '''Antartica 2008'''] Going to the Ice for a month. My gracious boss at the time let me go and it was a life changer. <br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:Base.jpg|center|link=http://daniel.swingpad.com/Artic|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2008: Greenland by planes, planes, and evil flies. ==<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1 '''Greenland#1 2008'''] After going to the Ice, it was very interesting to see where the Air Force practices their ice landings. Greenland is an interesting place. <br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland2 '''Greenland#2 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland3 '''Greenland#3 2008''']<br /> <br /> [http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland4 '''Greenland#4 2008''']<br /> <br /> <br /> [[File:CockedCockpit.jpeg|center|link=http://swingpad.com/daniel/html/Greenland/Greenland1|600px]]<br /> <br /> == 2010: Haiti, days after a disaster. ==<br /> <br /> I have yet to edit or post images from this trip but I will. Bear with me.</div>

Abby