Relationships

01/14/2011

I expect this page will gain me no friends and piss a lot of people off, but just take it for what it is. This is not the way I see things, I think this is just the way shit is.

My Two Cents

Man from what I can tell, they have changed. It seemed when I grew up that it was so simple.

• Get a Job.
• Get a girl.
• Get a house.
• Marry girl (hopefully she is not a woman, and you're a man).
• Have some Kids (if you're lucky).
• Grow old.
• Die happy people.

Somewhere along the way, everything changed. Maybe the Cro-Magnon man of the past, controlling the food and family, was able to run the show and make it all happen with little objection from his wife or peers. This way worked, it was even part of the American Dream and it got it where we are today day, but man is it outdated.

Starting to get into it

First of all, Maybe I am a freak (actually, I am a freak) but I am most attracted to a woman who has drive, ambition, and the mind to do something with herself. The thought of me having an at home wife raising kids seems so wrong and foreign to me that I am scared in most cases to even start. Personally, I think that women in the work place changed everything and is the primary reason marriage is a failing idea. I say this with excitement. This is something I am happy with but with it comes a larger issue having to do with Life(link). In the past, I think men were more comfortable and women much less when the family was carried by the male (monetary). This dynamic is such an old idea that it must be changed, I believe it has.

The Major Change

Women are no longer afraid of being alone, not having someone to take care of them. These days girls go out and do it themselves. Make money, own houses, have kids. All on their own. Where does the male fit into this model? Love? Jesus, stop dreaming. I see our culture going down the road of the Amazon women. Men are no longer in a position to threat, to force, to make things happen the way they want. Men are now becoming highly sought out for things that seemed so strange in the past. If we were balanced in the past between man and women then we are very skewed toward the female, but I do not think we were balanced. I think we were skewed in the past and we are now coming to an even keel. This may or may not work long term. I think life will go on, but the idea of a relationship will no longer be the same.

Where I see an issue is the large advantage (and disadvantage) women have in their ability to reproduce. I will cover this more in the my Kiddos (link) area of this blurb.

Elvis has now left the building

The man of the past, strong, powerful, driven, greedy, and competitive will have to change into something more progressive, more dealing, more sharing, less self consumed. We can see this shift today and how badly it is going. Men are messes. They think they are perfect, they blame the girl when really it is them. Women are already progressing. they are running the world, doing all the same jobs men have in the past and do today. Men need to progress in their minds, be more sharing, open, clear, and communicative. This will take centuries but I see this happening today. The only way this progression will not occur will be if we have a major catastrophe that forces us to go back to our hunter gatherer roots at which point, we will return to the big strong dude, protecting the little, lovely perfect woman. This has its advantages, but until that meteor strikes or poles shift, we boys need to open our eyes.

There are a few other things that I see happening out there that play a hand in our changing dynamic. Socially we have changed. Women, like men, are out in the workplace, not at home raising the kids. Because of this, there are more chances of meeting people. People that might be a better match for you or her. This has been the case for men for a long while but it is new to women. What I see today is that people are not so fast to jump into relationships. They wait and wait and wait. The grass is greener complex (something I suffer from endlessly). They wait because they are looking for the perfect match, relentlessly comparing traits, behaviors among their plethora of options. This way of life is fast moving and never predictable, but it has a flaw. When you do it too long you cannot learn how to be with one. You become stuck, unable to be faithful, unable to be content. You will die alone, with a lot of friends not at your bedside.

It is not about looks and not random

People meet by association. This is a historically proven fact, do not deny it. When people are out and about, they will fall down and fuck by accident. I have seen it so many times it is scary. After the third time, you decide that fate will always play its part, so don't get pissed. Just suck it up and understand that it is probably the best thing that could have happened and remember, maybe you have been at the other end of the stick. If not, then understand that you will be one day and to go easy.

Sport Fucking

Sport fucking compared to loving the shit out of someone. These are very different things and you should understand them. They are different, they are dangerous and they are almost always perceived incorrectly from the positions of those involved. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a step back, put space and time between you two and see how it goes. You get a lot of calls, texts, e-mails looking for you then you know you were sport fucking someone who is in love with you. If you're the one doing the stalking, then you need to read this and do the same thing, take a break, a step back, look at how you were being treated. I assure you that you will no longer want to do it (unless you're cheating on someone with the guy or girl you're fucking that you love). If your the one thinking this is all fun and games and the other person is on the same page but they are starting to get a little serious on you, you better run for the hills. Don't try to talk it out. Stop all communication and move on, oh and hope what you just did to someone never gets done to you because it sucks and it fucking hurts, but man is it exciting. Incomparable in so many ways.

The selfish lack of consideration

Don't drag someone around behind you. If you're not ready in your own mind. Too many times you see people in relationships that drag on for far to long. This would in most cases be due to one of the parties being on the fence (there is always one in the relationship that is on the fence). Usually this is due to the "so much time invested" clause. In other cases, this is the typical fear of being along issue. Men and women don't like to be alone. When they are in a relationship that they should not be in they are too afraid to change, so they act like all is well. All is not well and usually both parties know it, but are too sissy to make something happen about it. In my mind, this is one of the parties involved being selfish. People know when something is going to work or not and people don't change unless they want to (usually they don't), so if your in on of these relationships, understand that it is 90% inevitable that it will not end well. If you're the selfish prick drawing out this thing because you're scared, then grow the fuck up. Be a good person, break it off. Let the person on the other end of the stick move on, give them a chance to find what is right for them. This selfishness will only ruin your friendship which, if you're lucky enough, you can salvage with time. Take a step back, look at the situation. Think about how you're treated. Don't stand for this shit if you're getting it and if you're giving it, wake up and think about someone other then yourself.

Cheating with the Cheater

Sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is fun. There are a few things you should understand. To start, you will later find that part of your attraction to one another is or was the fact that what you're doing is considered morally wrong. The sneaking around, the making plans, keeping your communications on the down-low, not being seen in public, being forced to do things in dark places. This is all amazing while it lasts, but it almost never does. This all brings you right back to high school, running around with the cute girl, kissing under the bleachers. Wasn't it amazing? Well, when all is said and done, it will usually fall apart.

Maybe you get caught, the person doing the cheating breaks it off with the poor broken ex. You start dating, go out in public, fuck all the time, laugh a lot. Then time sets in and you start to realize that the only thing you had in common was trust. Trust that you would not blow the deal away, trust that you will be there. But will you really?

Or you stop the whole thing and you're left with the "one that got away" syndrome. Maybe the person decided it was wrong what they were doing.

Cheating on the good

It is all too often that one finds themselves cheating on their guy or girl. Putting the attraction aside, you really should look at what you're doing, read into it. In a perfect world, you should not want to do this and 9 times out of 10 the person you're cheating on is an honest, good person. Have you ever thought about how selfish it is to do this? It is shocking how often people do this. Look past your own fucking nose buddy. It is not all about you. Get out of the relationship. Let the other person restart their quest for the right guy or girl because clearly your not it.

Drama is the only thing that keeps it all going

How classic is it when you see two people that thrive on the drama. They are never happy unless someone is doing something wrong. It is all highs and lows. I really don't have too much to say about this because I don't do drama but I have to say, if your and yours are so alike that all you have is the drama, I think you might want to take a step back and rethink things. If you plan on having a family, this is exactly what you want to teach them not to do.

Don't bullshit people if you're not ready for it

Don't get into something you do not intend to follow through with. I have done my fair share of this and it can lend itself to selfishness. If you're too busy with work, too busy partying, too busy owing what the hell you do then maybe it is not the right time for you to pretend you want to be in a relationship. The bottom line is that you are not ready but you don't want to be lonely and want to get laid.

What you don't realize (again, look past your own fucking nose) is that the other person is probably not in the same zone as you are. All you're doing is wasting their time and in the end you will lose a friend. End it, give it some time, and try to recover a friend. Do not sleep with this person again because all you're doing is fucking with their head. You're not ready to commit, then you don't get to eat the cake.

Shit or get off the pot

Shit or get off the pot. This is another one of the ones I don't have firsthand knowledge of but I see it in a lot of my friends and get a lot of confiding about this issue. This ties in to a lot of other factors, many of which have been listed here. Lets make it real simple:

Ask yourself: Are you cheating? Do you love the person? Do you want to cheat? Do you like this person? Do you like spending time with this person? Do you know if this is the right person for you or not?

If you answer these and find that you are a good boy or girlfriend to this person, then it sounds like you have the right person and you just need the balls to make the endgame happen. If you answer in ways that clearly show that your a fuck to the other person then it is in your best interest to walk. Ever heard of Karma? That shit is real and it will find you. Don't be a dick.

Long Distance Jokes

Long distance relationships are by far the best (in my book). They allow for minimal commitment in a very short amount of time. They are spontaneous, fast paced and full of fun but leave you lonely. Are you the type that needs their space? More then 50% of the time? More then 80% of the time? More the 95% of the time? If you are in the latter two then LDs are perfect for you. You do your thing, live your live, cheat like mad and from time to time run off and play the perfect couple roll. These can last a long time and are a lot of fun but one of a handful of ways.

• You and yours decide to take it to the next level and move in with one another (or move closer geographically). You realize that you were not ready to give up so much freedom or realize that you can only handle the other person in small doses and you freak. Call it off and go back to being you, free, open, and by the seat of your pants.
• One of you wants more, tries to make it happen and freaks the other party out. It will all end very quickly here and you will probably never hear from the person again.
• One of you cheats and says fuckit. It was a log distance relationship where you hardly saw one another so it is easier to walk away from.
• One of started this relationship while cheating and wants all from everyone. This person deserves to be kicked where it hurts. Call me and I will help you do it.

Had the right one but lost them (or let them go)

Are you comparing all the potentials in your life to one you have crossed paths with in the past? Is that person still alive? Are they single? If so, go get them because this will never stop until you find a replacement or give it a shot.

Remember, there is an ass for every seat. You will find another, just be patient and keep an open-end.

Physical attraction is for the weak

Physical Attraction (sexiness) is a fucking perk, one that is hard to fight. Do you find that your weak with those your attracted to physically? Can't say no when they want to get it going? if this is you then your walking on thin ice. This is where you can get into a long term fuck relationship status (it will never go much further from them). Wait to find the right match both physically and mentally. If your not that bright (not being mean here) then trust your physical attraction because it might be all you have to go on and at the end of the day this is in our DNA and is one of the most basic things mankind was built on.

Waking up and trying to figure out how to fix what you just did

Alcohol related opps fucking. Anyone how drinks needs to admit something: We Drink to loosen up and do things we otherwise would not, I know this is why I drink. With this said, there are a few dangers: STDs, Kids, Divorce, death of a friendship to name a few. The bottom line is that people meet my association and these things happen, sometimes they were meant to happen.

When you wake up in a foreign bed or in your own with someone that should not be there, don't freak. Your best bet is to play it cool. Don't show emotion, don't show that your happy or that your sad. Just let it be. Don't snuggle, don't try and talk about it. Just let is sit. After a bit, say something like, "Well, that was a surprise!" The Bottom line is that what is done is done and there is nothing that can erase it.

Moving forward, you and this person have a deal with one another, this stays there and then. If you don't trust this person then try to verbalize this. If this still does not work then you might want to plan for the blowback from this one because it is coming. 8 times out of 10, you can get away with an unspoken deal that will ether never be replayed or one that will. If this is a replay from now on then it is either a good surprise or a bad one. Don't forget, if your cheating, there are a lot of other things to consider (stated above). If this is one of those, "I would have never thought." then maybe you got lucky. Either way, don't look at the negative side, try and look at the positive. The other person will read this on you and go with it as well.

And one more thing to note, keep this past even off your face in public with one another, people can see it a mile away.

Rekindling an old fuck

This one is a duzzy. You can either be the person that got hurt in the past or the person that did the hurting. If your the latter, you might be falling into a trap of revenge and maybe you deserve it. If you were the one that got hurt, be very careful. People don't change and your could be getting setup for a repeat viewing of the same old movie.

I am not going to tell you what to do here but I am going to tell you a few things that I have learned from this one. To Start, you only remember the good things about the original relationships. You forget all the things that drove you fucking nuts about this person. You think, ohh but this and that was amazing but you forget about the dirty bathroom, the annoying friends, the TV addiction, the ciggaretts, the drinking so on. If you are going to go down this road, remind yourself of why you split in the first place. The trigger events, the reasons both good and bad. Luck favors the fucking prepared.

Importing new blood

I grew up in a small fucking town. The potential is few and far between and crossing paths can be all too common. It is always a good idea to meet new people. When you do and decide to invite the person to move in with you in your home town there are a few things you need to know. To Start, you should be prepared to have no personally time, that is time by yourself or with your friends without the poor bloke you just allowed to move in with you. They will have no friends and will become friends with you. This becomes complex as you start to lose a side of your live that might be very important to you. This is not their fault, it is yours. You invited them to come stay with you and in the end you might get cold to them and push them away because your lacking your space.

Don't blame them, blame yourself. If you find they are fucking one of your friends on the side, don't blame them, blame yourself and ohh, don't forget to tell your buddy that is going at it with your piece to go fuck themselves for life.

My Recap

• Modern thoughts.

I always dreamed of having a relationship like the one I saw all growing up. I was lucky to have parents that accidentally fell in love. THey did not decide they were going to get married and have a fam. They did it by accident. Today, relationships leave nothing to chance. They are driven by physical attractiveness and are destined to fail because of it. They are sought after by people working to hard at life with little to no time for sharing that want to have their cake and eat it to. By people that decided that they deserve a child. They think it is their right even. Because of this they say one day, "I need a husband or wife. I am getting old and time is ticking. I better make something happen." In comes e-harmony, match.com, Facebook. No better place to stalk your next ex-fuck buddy.

• People don't change because you try and make them.

At the end of your life there is one thing you will know. I will tell you it now and I am sure you have heard it before and I am due you will not listen to me but here goes nothing: PEOPLE DON"T CHANGE UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Nothing you can do will induce the change you wish for. If your dating someone that is on the fence about getting married, don't want to have kids, cheating repeatedly then you have someone that is not going to change on your account. They are going to keep doing what the fuck they want. Tell them your going to leave if you don't get engaged? If you succeed in this ultimatum I can assure you that you will not have success in your endeavor. You are creating an opportunity for resentment and hate, something that will rot your relationship to it core. Something that you will blame your partner for but in the end it was your fucking fault. They say if you love something then let them go and no truer words have never been said. If it is right to you but not them, walk away. Give it time. Don't be mad, just know your making the right decision. This is a win win. You will either find the person realized that you were the right person or you will realize that this person was wrong for you. Time is the only prover of an idea or thought, use this to your advantage.

• People meet by association.

Remember this. There will be a rare time that people meet by dumbluck. Usually they meet via friends. And friends have friends with friends and so on. Maybe your seeing someone and things fall apart. Don't be shocked when your told through the vine that they are now dating a friend of yours. Don't be mad, just deal. If there was foul play then be pissed but if not then grow up and get out of the way. I always laugh when I hear that so and so's X is off limits. Give me a fucking break. That is like a Fire hydrant that is only allowed to be pissed on by one dog, usually the male type of fucking idiot that has control issues but from time to time females are just as guilty. When you jump from one lilly pad to another, don't think you will always have the lily as backup. Your a fool and an asshole if you play this game. Grow up and move on.

Reminders

• It is a fucking jungle out there, good luck.
• You can't see what your in until you get out and away from it.
• Change is scary but good.
• When things are going bad, look in the mirror. Blame is a 50/50 game usually.
• If you have something people want, they will try and take it from you. Protect your neck!